10-08-02
Q: With our banks currently paying low interest rates, prices declining for real estate and wild stock market fluctuations, we feel stymied. To maintain our lifestyle, we are being forced to dip into our principal. We foresee inflation hiding in our background — now being exposed when we find less cereal in the box, rising federal and state taxes, tiered utility bills, the higher cost for driver's licenses, and massive military budgets on our bills.
Is anyone surprised we are getting hooked on the dollar stores? Should we use our backup savings to buy a car or larger TV? Will prices be cheaper next year? What is your take?
A: Changes are in process. Everyone's money choices have become "yes, no, maybe, or forget it." The simple answer is that you must make your choice based on your capabilities, desires and fears. Don't look back! Time is all we have, and we never know when we will be passengers on the next train.
Life is a trade-off and taking a positive attitude. Try not to get caught focusing on regrets and saying, "I wished we had done that last year." Who knows what next year will bring? Enjoy your "NOW" now!
Q: I have been my husband's cancer caretaker for over a year now, and I am approaching the point when I cannot do it anymore. I love my husband, but I am burned out. Just thinking about moving him makes me feel guilty. Can I get help?
A: Yes. We don't go to school to learn how to take care of our partner's serious illness. When it hits home, we believe we can handle it single-handedly. We rise to the occasion, accepting the commitment to love and to take care of each other as best we can.
"I can't leave him" is not a practical answer when help can be available for both of you. Acknowledge your limitations and ask for help from your family, friends or hospice. You are not superwoman. Learn to delegate and to prioritize your daily list.
Often, you are required to also take over your partner's former responsibilities in addition to what have always been your duties. Paying bills, walking the dog or maintaining the yard and car add to your drudgery. Automatic bill paying and friends offering to write checks for you to sign can be helpful. Hopefully, this method will give you an hour or so a day to be able to nap or enjoy a quiet hour of freedom and privacy to rejuvenate your energy. Think about your personal faith and religion to help renew your spirits. Discuss your feelings and love with your husband and, as difficult as it is, try to laugh about some of the things you experienced. It's a pepper-upper!
Being a caretaker is challenging. Each moment becomes special, and talking about your happiness makes death less fearsome.
Only by caring for yourself can you relieve your stress and maintain your ability to care for your husband. Your incentive to taking care of yourself boils down to asking, "if I can't, who can and will?" Move forward immediately and ask for help. By doing so, you will be amazed how gladly your family, friends and others will step up to the plate.
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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