Radio Comedy - March 15

Radio Comedy

March 15, 2011

And now, (Jock), who is right here live himself in his entirety.

The following program will not be seen today.
Fortunately.

I’ve already had my usual power breakfast — a slice of baloney between two Eggos.

-- and a reminder: You must be at least this tall to listen to my show. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

Our guest today is Mr. Psymon Psycho, a retired longshoreman from Des Moines who has written an exciting new ebook entitled, How to Save Up to 90% on Your Gas Bill by Heating Your Home with Fish."

Today we'll be talking with insect spy Ralph Roachwretch about his exciting new book, How to Eavesdrop on Common Household Insects, or How to Bug Your Bugs.

Had a great evening. I went to see the (Suburb) Players do a cheesy production of one of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s lesser known plays, Velveeta

After the news, we'll review the exciting new book entitled, The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Englebert Humperdinck.

Today's moving tip. Remember, moving yourself is never a good idea. Professional movers will take only half the time to break the same amount of stuff.

(SAVER--ANY GOOF) I might enjoy what's happening a lot more if I was watching from a safe distance. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

[Wild] Man, this'll blow the mousse right out of your moustache!

Today's incredibly intriguing amazing but true accurate correct fact: Did you know there are 6,500 windows in the Empire State Building, and that's enough to keep a Peeping Tom busy for 18 years?
And remember to forget where you heard it.

(Engineer) was always good in electronics. Even when he was four years old he could take a stereo apart with a hammer.
Sober, he still can.

This time of year you always hear the phrase, "In like a lion, out like a lamb." Which, of course, is the motto of the Humane Society's neutering clinic.

Don't forget, when you plant your vegetable garden, be sure to save those little seed packets. They'll come in handy later to store the vegetables in.

I turned over my garden last weekend. I turned it over to somebody who knows what they're doing.

Today's horoscope. Aries: All signs indicate success in computer health science. Invest heavily in programmable suppositories.

Stay tuned and right after the news I will utterly amaze you and possibly even myself with several or more intellectually stimulating screw-ups.

Now, today's jackpot question: If Sir Isaac Newton had lived in the Garden of Eden, would he have worn a fig leaf -- or a fig newton?

So long for now, and be sure to save a seat for me at the bullfight.

Up next, new, improved, tartar-controlled, (Jock).