Welcome to the (JOCK) Radio Show. The show that started with two empty bean cans, some string, and a dream. (Toms Lake Humor Company))

      Liberating lobsters from restaurants is the "in" thing among animal rights activists. And I suppose it is easier to put the lobster back in the ocean than to go to McDonald's and piece the cow back together.

     It was so cold this morning my Frosted Flakes had real frost on ‘em

     Have you ever arrived at work in the morning just raring to stop..? (Toms Lake Humor Company) 

     It's weird. I saw a box of Valentine candy with a label that said, "Batteries not included."

Valentine Trivia  -  Valentine Fun Valentine's Day Fun-Liners

     I asked the boss if he remembered his first love. He said, "Like it was yesterday." Actually, it was yesterday -- it's lasagna.

     I had a fan belt problem. A fan walked right up and belted me.

     This is not a test of the Emergency Warning System.
     [pause]
     [woman screams for 5 seconds]
     [pause]
     This has not been a test of the Emergency Warning System.
     This was an actual emergency.

     I had a bit part once in a Benji movie. Benji bit me.

     Traffic was moving so slow this morning I saw one driver fishing in a pothole.

     And now today's weather ... straight from Ouiji Board Central.....

     It's so cold, a fraternity at Michigan State just held it's first Longjohns raid.

     Hey, did you see my picture on the billboard? The boss says, if I don't shape up, he's going to take down my picture and hang me up there!

     My dog can't wait until winter is over. It's too cold to give him a bath and, boy, does he hate that vacuum cleaner!

     Today's horoscope. Taurus: Today you will be unlucky in love and slush. Your galoshes will leak and you'll sneeze in your true love's ear.

     This bulletin just in from a nearby research laboratory. Do not be alarmed if you see a polar bear running loose. Actually, it's not a polar bear -- it's a white rat on steroids.

     Well, here I am doing somebody else's show again. I get kicked around so much I've got cauliflower hemorrhoids.

     Today’s research report. A new study shows that 80% of men who frequently wore leopard-skin jockey shorts began to really crave tuna fish sandwiches.

     One thing about disc jockeys: we have laid-back ears.

     I didn’t decide to be a deejay right off the bat, but as I looked around, I noticed that most other vocations required physical effort.

     And remember, for an autographed scratch 'n' sniff photo of (Next Jock), send just 99-cents to Toxic Waste, Wretch City, Nevada.