Comedy Calendar

July 5, 2011

    Promoter P.T. Barnum was born on this day in 1810. He said, "There's a sucker born every minute." Today, he'd probably be selling lottery tickets with a 900 number.

     Steve McPeak set a high-wire record in California on this day in 1976. He walked a 300-foot wire stretched 1,800 feet above Yosemite Valley Falls in only five minutes. His insurance agent also set a record -- by turning completely gray in only three minutes.

    The world's oldest parliament was established on the Isle of Man on this date in the year 979. And wouldn't you know. Today some feminist group is trying to change it to the Isle of Person.

    Circus impresario P.T. Barnum was born on this day in 1810. It was Barnum who once said, "A sucker is born every minute." But it's not nice to call someone a sucker. That's why today people who are always being suckered are called "voters."

     The father of the guided tour guided his first tour on this day in 1841. Thomas Cook arranged a special train from Leicester to Loughborough, England, for anyone who wanted to attend a temperance meeting. The venture was a huge success, probably because Cook provided free drinks.

     Paris dancer Micheline Bernardi modeled the world's most revealing swimsuit on this day in 1946, just four days after the U.S. tested a giant atomic bomb on Bikini Island. Thus, the swimsuit became known as the bikini -- since, like the bomb, its most shocking effect was fall-out.

    On this day in 1946 the bikini was first modeled in Paris. Without it, today we’d probably have something like the Sports Illustrated Clamdigger Issue.

     The first bikini swimsuit was first modeled on this day in 1946. What an ironic time that was. The women wore the bikinis and the men made boobs of themselves.

     Actually, archeological evidence indicates the women of ancient Egypt frolicked around the pool in bikinis over 3,000 years ago. Those early swimsuits, however, were 4-piece bikinis -- three fig leaves and a roll of Scotch tape.

     P.T. Barnum was born on this date in 1810. It was Barnum who said, "There's a sucker born every minute." Today, thanks to the Internet, production has been stepped up.

     Behind every successful man is a woman. The woman behind P.T. Barnum was Joice Heth, who claimed she was 161 years old and was once George Washington's nurse. Of course, Joice was only 70 years old and couldn't possibly have been Washington's nurse. But people will pay anything to hear a woman lie backwards about her age.

     Sir Austin Layard died on this day in 1894. Sir Austin was the archaeologist who excavated the ancient Assyrian capital of Nineveh. Artifacts included the king's library of over 20-thousand stone tablets. Obviously, the king was a member of the Tablet of the Month Club.

     On this day in 1846 the United States won California in a pot-limit game of Mexican-Sweat.

     Today is Workaholics Day, a day to honor workaholics everywhere. So if you're a workaholic and want to be honored, just raise your bony fingers.

     P.T. Barnum was born on this date in 1810. He was a circus promoter who believed there's a sucker born every minute. Today he's regarded as the Father of Late-Night TV.

     Today is Independence Day in Venezuela, by far the wealthiest nation in South America. In fact, since quadrupling its oil prices in the 1970s, Venezuela has become so rich its people nearly starved to death. Seems all the farmers went to work in the oil fields.

     The first U.S. Army insignias were worn on this day in 1775. Insignias identified branches of the service. A rifle insignia identified a soldier as infantry; a horse insignia meant he was a member of the cavalry; and a golf club insignia meant he was in the medical corps.

     Sir Stamford Raffles was born on this day in 1781. Not only was he the founder of Singapore, but Raffles also had the honor of having an East Indian fungus named after him.
     I know how he felt. We radio personalities have a fungus named after us, too -- jock itch.

     The U.S. Secret Service was formed on this day in 1865. Which raises the question: if it's the "Secret" Service, why is it so well-known?

     On this day in 1952 Neil Stewart of Birmingham, Alabama, set a world record nobody even wants to break. He jumped out of an airplane 124 times in one day, including 49 jumps after dark.
     He had to use an emergency chute once, he was knocked unconscious once, and his wife fainted once. Stewart said he wasn't at all nervous, but all day he did feel a little jumpy.

     On this day in 1954 Elvis Presley, Scotty Moore, and Bill Black took a coffee break during a Memphis recording session and Elvis started clowning around with a song called "That's All Right, Mama." Producer Sam Phillips started a music revolution by recording the horseplay and releasing Elvis' first record. Proving once again the historical importance of horsing around.

     Sir Stamford Raffles, the founder of Singapore, was born at sea on this day in 1816. Most people wouldn't like the idea of being born at sea, but Sir Stamford didn't mind, since it offered him an excellent opportunity to be near his mother.