Comedy Calendar

July 11, 2011

     History's prudest prude was born on this date in 1754. Thomas Bowdler gave up his medical practice and devoted his life to editing the "indecent" words out of the works of Williams Shakespeare. He also purified The Rise & Fall of the Roman Empire and then, to cap off a brilliant career, he "cleansed" the Bible.
     And with King David and Bathsheba innocently holding hands, Bowdler died happy.

     On this day in 1971 the U.S. Department of Agriculture was allocated $19,520 to determine if a woman's place was in the home. Honest.
     The results were inconclusive, but researchers noted that four out of five door-to-door surveyors were injured by flying crock pots.

      The Choctaw Fair is this week in Philadelphia, Mississippi. Mississippi was once the Choctaw Republic. If the white man hadn't stole Mississippi from the Choctaws, no telling what kind of music Elvis would have brought out of Tupelo.

     Today is National Cheer Up The Lonely Day, a day to visit someone in the hospital. And don't wait -- do it today while visiting is still free.
     Don't forget to send a card to the Maytag repairman.

     Babe Ruth pitched his first major-league game for the Boston Red Sox on this date in 1914. He beat Cleveland 4-3, then celebrated by brewing up a pot of resin-bag tea.
     Babe would drink anything handy.

     In Philadelphia on this date in 1919 Edward Styles became the first person to play 180 holes of golf in one day. Styles was an excellent golfer in spite of his handicap -- he was not a doctor.

     Today is Independence Day in Mongolia, the world's most sparsely populated nation. But what Mongolia lacks in people it makes up for in goats.
     In Mongolia two million people and 400-million goats inhabit an area three times larger than Texas. On a clear day you can smell Mongolia in Texas.

     On this day in 1864 American economists claimed inflation was so serious, a dollar was worth only 39 cents. Wow! I didn't know a dollar was ever worth that much.

     Today is National Czech Day, a day to honor all your Czech friends. I knew a Czech girl once. She was a hot chick. A hot Czech chick. A hot chic Czech chick.
     But she was also a gold digger. So I gave that hot Czech a hot check.

     U.S Vice-President Aaron Burr shot Alexander Hamilton to death in a duel on this date in 1804. Nobody was surprised, since Hamilton was a crackpot and Burr was a crack shot.

     Today is Sempach Day in Switzerland, commemorating the Battle of Sempach in 1386. It's a big day because the Swiss don't have many battles to commemorate, which should make us all want to eat lots of cheese, climb mountains, and yodel.

      Deborah Harry was born on this day in 1945. She was the lead singer in the group Blondie. She dressed like Madonna years before Madonna. When Madonna dressed, of course.

      U.S. Vice-President John Quincy Adams was born on this date in 1767. He was president for one term, then still not satisfied, he served 17 years on Congress, where he could do some real damage.

      On this day in 1922 Theresa Vaughn of London got divorced -- 61 times. Theresa had 61 husbands, or approximately 60 too many. She told the judge she wasn't really a loose woman -- she just never learned to say, "No."

     Singer Kenny Rogers quit the New Christy Minstrels to join the First Edition on this day in 1967. That was back when Kenny was skinny and had dark hair -- and was so poor he could afford only one chin.