Comedy Calendar

February 21, 2012

    One of history's funniest folks, Erma Bombeck, was born on this date in 1927. Erma said:
     • "The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've seen that I didn't have to clean."
     • "There was a time when I had a 23-inch waist. I was 10 years old -- my measurements were 23-23-23."
     • "I remember how excited I got when I discovered a cosmetic stick that would erase away wrinkles -- I erased my entire face."
     • "Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."

     Edwin Thomas Holmes of Boston installed the world's first burglar alarm on this day in 1858. Unfortunately, later that night it was stolen.

     The trial of Joan of Arc began on this date in 1431. She was burned at the stake, and to this day Shirley MacLaine is afraid of hibachis.

     On this day in 1986 the world’s oldest man died in Japan at the age of 120. Amazingly, his friends said he didn’t look a day over 110.

     On this date in 1866 Lucy Hobbs became the first woman to graduate from a dental school. It was tough back then for women dentists. Just getting accepted into a dental school was like pulling teeth.

     Author Erma Bombeck was born on this day in 1924. Erma dieted all her life. She once said, "I can't help it, I worship at the Shrine of Perpetual Lettuce."

     The first telephone directory was published on this day in 1878 in New Haven. It contained 50 names, all listed alphabetically, except the Zs -- they were at the end.
     Of the 50 numbers, 25 had already been changed or disconnected.

      Middleweight champ Bob Fitzsimmons KO'd Peter Maher on this day in 1896. Boxing was illegal, so promoters staged the fight on a small island in the Rio Grande River. Before U.S. and Mexican troops could decide who had jurisdiction, the fight was over and everybody had gone home. Moral: You can get away with anything if you take advantage of government confusion.

    On this date in 1866 Lucy Hobbs of Cincinnati became the first woman to graduate from a dental school. Actually, women make the best dentists. They're smaller and can get both hands in your mouth.

     Lucy Hobbs became history's first female dentist on this day in 1866. And Lucy achieved another first. She later taught dentistry and became history's first female drill instructor.

      Mike Romanoff, the first of a whole bunch of Romanoffs, became Czar of Russia on this day in 1613. Mike was terrible, almost as terrible as Ivan the Terrible. Ivan killed everybody, but Mike was more humane. He just took away all the food and let everybody die of natural causes.
     The Romanoffs ruled Russia for over 300 years. Millions left the country to escape their tyranny. In fact, the Romanoffs ran so many Russians out of Russia it's amazing they didn't run out of Russians to run out.

     Today's exciting Russian history trivia question: Was there ever a great leader in Russia?
     Yes, Russia had one great leader: Catherine the Great. Catherine loved everybody, especially the men. Catherine was so lovable she could have starred on "Desperate Housewives."
     But Catherine was not called Catherine the Great because she was a great lover or a great leader. She was called the Great because she was fat
     Really fat.
     When Catherine stood in Red Square there wasn't room for a parade.
     Even when Catherine was born she was fat. She had to be delivered by Cesarean forklift.

    On this day in 1986 the world's oldest man died in Japan at the age of 120. That's almost 42 in Zsa Zsa years.

    Alex De Rochon as born on this date in 1838. He developed the spy glass. Thanks goodness. Otherwise, spies would get awfully thirsty.