Comedy Calendar - February 14

February 14, 2012

Today is Valentine's Day, which may be named for Bishop Valentine of the 3rd century, the patron saint of lovers. Or, it may be named for Verna Valentine, the wife of Edsel Valentine of the 4th century, who invented closing one's eyes while kissing.
Which increased passion significantly by helping to eliminate lover laughter.

Today is Valentine's Day, the day, according to legend, birds choose their mates. By the way, male birds do not bring flowers or candy to their mates. The more romantic ones, I suppose, might bring a nice worm for dinner.

Valentine Trivia - Valentine Fun
Valentine's Day Fun-Liners

On Valentine's Day in 1951 England nationalized the steel industry. Who says the British aren't romantic?

On this date in 1934 Florence Henderson was born. She played the mother on "The Brady Bunch." Remember? The 1970s family who had a housekeeper named Alice? Who looked like Jay Leno?

The first California oranges arrived on the East Coast on this day in 1816. Today, people all over America get oranges from California. However, most of the lemons still come from Detroit.

Labor leader Jimmy Hoffa was born in Brazil, Indiana, on this date in 1913. Jimmy was born in a tough neighborhood. His baby photos show him lying under fresh cement.

     Today is Valentine's Day, a day to prove your devotion by giving your true love a 5-pound box of fat and calories.
     It's hard to believe nobody makes Valentine candy with Nutra-Sweet.
     Giving a box of candy on Valentine's Day is a husband's loving way of telling his wife he'll still love her when her teeth have rotted.

Today is Valentine’s Day. My wife’s on a health kick, so I got her a heart-shaped box of oatmeal.
I thought about flowers or jewelry, but it just doesn’t seem that romantic going broke on Valentine’s Day.

On this day in 1918 the first Tarzan movie, "Tarzan of the Apes," premiered. In this movie Tarzan sent Jane a valentine that said, "Roses are red, violets are blue; I want to kiss you, and Cheetah does too."
What else could he do in the jungle? Send her a chocolate covered giraffe?

Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone on Valentine's Day in 1876, which was appropriate. On Valentine's Day you could really need a phone -- to call an ambulance after eating some of that candy.

Today's intriguing Valentine's Day mystery: How can a drug store that sells a one-pound box of candy today for $19.95 afford to sell it tomorrow for $1.19?
In retailing, that's called the Law of Profit and Profit, which means if you make a lot of profit on an item today, you can afford to make just a little profit on it tomorrow.

I'll never forget Valentine's Day in the third grade, and my first girlfriend, Rhonda Rufflepants. I couldn't afford a box of candy, so I got her a box of Wheaties.
She later nominated me for Dork of the Decade.

Remember, Valentine's Day was inspired by St. Valentine, who was beheaded in the year 270. And do you know why he was beheaded? Because he forgot to send flowers on Mrs. Valentine's Day.

Jimmy Hoffa was born on this day in 1913. He was the Teamster’s Union president, although some say he left that job for a position in construction.
In concrete, to be specific.

Today is Valentine's Day, the one day of the year when boyfriends and husbands absolutely positively must be romantic. So, whatever you do, men, don't forget to fake it.

I'll never forget our first Valentine's Day. I brought her a box of candy. She said, "Oh, how wonderful! -- it'll just take a minute to heat up the microwave."

Chicago Cubs pitcher Three Finger Brown died on this day in 1948 and was elected to the baseball hall of fame in 1949. Three Finger was a 20-game winner five times, with a career ERA of 2.06. Imagine what he might have done with four fingers.
Brown loved the nickname Three Finger. Probably because his real name was Mordecai Centennial. Honest.

Today is Valentine's Day, a day to demonstrate your love by giving your Valentine a big box of chocolates and making her face break out.