Giving Your Baby up to a Loving Family Was Good

DR. WALLACE: I met this really nice guy at the restaurant where we both worked, and we had dated for over a year. He was born in Mexico and so was my father. I really loved him, and I thought he loved me, too. About six months ago, I found out I was pregnant. When I told Jose, he said we had to get married, and I thought he meant it because that was what I wanted to hear. My parents were happy because they liked him, and he was also from Jalisco where my parents are from.

One day, about a week after I told Jose about being a father, he didn't show up for work. And now, months later, he still hasn't appeared at work. It took me no time to figure out that he has fled across the border and isn't coming back. It would be impossible to find him, and now that I know he is not worthy, I don't want to find him. It is a nightmare being unmarried and pregnant, and I briefly considered abortion, but my mother changed my mind.

I gave birth to a healthy baby boy and quickly signed papers to allow him to be adopted by a childless couple unable to have children. It was very difficult for me, but I love my son with all my heart and soul, and I pray that I did the right thing. Sometimes I feel guilty for giving my son away, but I know that he will have a good life that I could never afford to give him.

I think you will tell me I did the right thing, but I'd like to read it in your column. The couple who adopted my son will be moving to Arizona and will stay in touch with me. I plan to stay out of my baby's life until he turns 18, and then I pray we can have a wonderful relationship. - Adella, El Paso, Texas

ADELLA: You were placed in the most difficult position — a young teenage girl who was pregnant and deserted by the baby's father. Making the decision with your mother's guidance to have the baby and to give him to a loving couple was a wonderful choice. You had several options, and you should feel very good that you did what was best for your son.

I understand that giving your son up for adoption was extremely painful; only you can know the extent of your sorrow and guilt. You have these feelings because you love your son like all mothers do and always will. You made the supreme sacrifice in giving up the privilege of watching your son grow into a man, in order to give him a greater opportunity to succeed in life.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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