In an ideal world the holidays are a time when family comes together to celebrate, there
is peace on earth and goodwill abounds, children are well behaved, teenagers are happy and
cooperative and visiting family bring smiles, compliments and gifts.
Sharing and caring with loved one sounds
wonderful, but often there is an undercurrent of tension that can make this a difficult
and dreaded time for some. Why does this happen? After all, the holidays only come around
once a year and we deal with family tension all year round.
The answer is family dynamics, and the need to live up to expectations And there's also
exhaustion and finances. Families, who don't normally spend a lot of time together because
of work/school commitments or because of location, are now spending all of several days
together.
People fall back
into old patterns of behavior, old arguments still simmer and issues that have been
avoided have a way of coming to the surface. Those involved can feel angry and
unappreciated, which in turn causes more tension and so the cycle begins.
Add to the mix a host who is exhausted from weeks of shopping, planning and decorating,
teenagers who resent the invasion of their space and time, young children who just know
how to capitalize on the fact that you have company, and you have a recipe for disaster
If you are hosting a family holiday event, you may find
that the stress of trying to create the perfect holiday season for the family begins many
weeks before the holiday actually arrives. Eliminating holiday tension and stress would
require a lifestyle change that very few people really want to make. You can, however,
make it more manageable.
* Accept that the holidays will come
and there is nothing you can do about it, be determined to be flexible and not sweat the
small stuff
* Acknowledge that this is not an ideal world and that people don't
change just because it is the holidays. Your in-laws may snipe at your decor and your
cooking, your teenager would rather hang with friends than be stuck with family, and
everybody else will still be the same. In the grand scheme of things it does not matter.
Keep things in perspective. Remember the "perfect holiday" is different for
everyone.
* Don't shop till you drop. Instead, make a list and stick to it.
Holiday spending can easily get out of control and leave you with a financial headache for
the New Year. Determine your budget and stick to it. Be ruthless.
* Don't let guilt or a misplaced sense of obligation force you into
attending parties and activities you would rather not go to. Pick events you know you will
enjoy and that means something to you. and you will have a great time.
* Consider your expectations of others during the holidays. When it
comes to the family photo, family functions, holiday activities, do not expect your spouse
and children to be shiny happy people for all such activities and events. Don't let a
tense situation develop just because they are not behaving the way you think they should.
Consider what they want to do and talk about it.
In a nutshell be realistic, focus on the people you love, don't
overspend, keep your sense of humor and you will keep your sanity. Life is short and time
is precious, consider every holiday you spend with family and friends as a wonderful gift.
Most important of all…Enjoy.
