It has come to our attention that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients:

    * Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

    * Trauma patients are not CATH (cut all to heck), FDGB (fall down, go boom), or TBC (total body crunch). Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

    * Hazardous Materials teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

    * Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

    * The homeless are not "urban outdoors men."

    * And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), or DRT (dead right there).