2010-02-06
I was fascinated to listen to a report on how
to make one's brain more effective, although my
brain wasn't all that interested.
Apparently, there are three levels of brain
activity. Level 1 is the lowest level — the
amount of concentration required to, say, delete
e-mails or serve in Congress. As human beings,
we spend a lot of time in Level 1, including all
of our teenage years.
Level 2 is mild engagement, like listening to
an in-law. Our brains are burning glucose and
becoming fatigued (or, depending on the in-law,
enraged). You want to limit Level-2 activity so
as not to become so tired you slip back into
Level 1, so if your mother-in-law calls, hang
up.
Level-3 activity requires all of your brain
and creative power — the type required when you
make up an excuse to your spouse for why you
hung up on her mom. The brain can process only
about two hours of Level 3 at a time, which
means that just as an airplane is on final
approach, the pilot is thinking like a teenage
driver.
For most people, the most productive brain
time is in the morning, when people are rested,
fresh and preoccupied with deleting e-mails.
Throw in a little conversation in the break room
to burn off any Level 2 you've got left, and
voila — an entire office of Level-1 thinkers.
This has enormous implications for the
workplace. Let's say Worker A and Worker B are
employed by a large corporation. Worker A starts
every day in his cubicle, tackling his most
intense tasks while his brain is at Level 3.
Worker B, however, spends the morning chatting
with co-workers about fantasy football and
sticking his head in the boss's office to
discuss "American Idol."
When it comes time to lay off employees, the
axe will fall, of course, on Worker A — people
don't like him, the guy never comes out of his
cube. Worker B will go on to receive promotions
until he's running the place and makes the
company so inefficient and bloated that it
requires billions of dollars of government
bailout money to stay in business, resulting in
huge executive bonuses. See how it all comes
together?
Studies show that individuals who check
e-mail and text messages frequently suffer the
same loss of IQ as do people who smoke a great
deal of pot. This, more than the recession,
explains why so many young people are moving
back to their parents' basements. It's a
disturbing trend because all the people in their
20s who are still smoking pot and living in
their parents' basements are now having to share
space with people who spend all day on Twitter.
So parents are hearing arguments like this:
Son: Mom! Susie is texting and won't put her
phone on mute, and I'm trying to watch
"America's Top Model"!
Susie: Well, he smells like burned jungle
fungus!
Parents: Why don't you two focus your Level-3
brainpower on productive activities?
Susie: What'd she say?
Son: Huh?
Susie: Ummmm ... Wha?
Son: Uh ...
So now you need more space downstairs, but as
any contractor will tell you, the hardest room
in the house to expand is the basement. This
forces parents to do the next best thing, which
is to sell their home and move someplace where
they don't have basements. This floods
the market with houses, causing the bottom to
drop out and banks to take on enormous losses,
requiring gigantic government bailouts and huge
executive bonuses. The executives e-mail each
other with congratulations for getting such a
big bonus, and they read those e-mails in the
morning, which starts the cycle all over again.
Thus is born the digital economy.
I've decided that the best way for me to
counter this effect is to focus on my most
intense work at 4:00 in the morning — in other
words, when I'm still asleep. That way I'll have
gotten all my Level-3 activity out of the way by
the time I start smoking my e-mails. Within a
few years, I'll be so efficient no one will want
to hire me, and I'll have to move in with my
parents.
They have a big basement for just that
purpose.
To write Bruce Cameron, visit his Website at
www.wbrucecameron.com. To find out more about
Bruce Cameron and read features by other
Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists,
visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at
www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
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►J◄
To write Bruce Cameron, visit his Website at
www.wbrucecameron.com. To find out more about
Bruce Cameron and read features by other
Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists,
visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at
www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
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