2010-01-30
I saw an ad recently that said, "Get Paid to
Lose Weight" — but when I called and told them I
had lost 10 pounds, they refused to send me a
check. So I gained the weight back.
Determined to make dieting a source of
income, I've now started a weight-loss blog,
where thousands of people will come every day
and read about what I've been eating and then
buy T-shirts, hats and candy bars. If I sell a
thousand T-shirts at $200 each, well, you do the
math.
Day 1: Started my diet with a healthy salad
and iced tea. Please click on the link to buy a
T-shirt!
"A Reader Named Your Son" comments: So, Dad,
how come you didn't mention that you had a plate
of nachos with sour cream on them and then a
bacon-and-cheese burrito with extra cheese and
extra bacon?
Response: Thank you for your comment, reader!
I had the nachos and burrito prior to starting
my diet, which, as I said, consisted of salad
and iced tea.
"I Was There" comments: I suppose the empty
bowl of ice cream after dinner doesn't mean
anything, either.
Response: Thank you for taking time to
comment on my blog, and for pointing out that
the bowl was "empty," meaning it contained no
ice cream. One cannot gain weight from an empty
bowl.
"Freezer Inspector" comments: Yeah, Dad, the
ice-cream carton was empty, too, so I guess you
didn't gain any weight from that, either.
Response: Thank you for your comment! I am
sure there are other blogs you would enjoy
visiting and would encourage you to do so now.
"Oh No, This is Far Too Much Fun" comments:
Also, you ate like, what, six doughnuts this
morning?
Response: Thanks. As of this time, we are
limiting the Weight-Loss Diet Blog to dinners
only. Breakfast is not included, and you had a
doughnut yourself.
"Not the One Who Is Fat" comments: Oh, so
you're lying only about dinners? And what's this
"we" business? Are you so fat you take up space
for two whole people?
Response: The moderator of this blog reserves
the right to ban comments that constitute spam.
"Ha!" comments: It is not spam, but if it
were, I'm sure you would eat it along with
everything else in the refrigerator. I don't get
how you can be the moderator since you don't
"moderate" anything, especially your consumption
of food.
Day 2: A single chicken breast, broccoli,
carrots, spinach and an apple. Special
two-for-one sale on T-shirts!
"You Must Think I'm Blind" comments: Yes, you
did eat the chicken, but only after you polished
off the rest of the doughnuts. Also, you don't
get credit for the vegetables if you only looked
at them. And Dad, no one is going to pay that
much for a T-shirt that says, "Will Diet for
Food." It's not funny and doesn't even make any
sense.
Response: We so appreciate comments from our
readers! The doughnuts were consumed prior to
any dinner and thus are not considered part of
the diet. I did eat the carrots, but you're
right, I was unable to finish eating the other
vegetables because I was so full from my
delicious low-calorie dinner. And I already sold
a T-shirt, Mr. Smarty Pants.
"Yeah, Right" comments: But not too full to
polish off a huge hunk of chocolate cake with
ice cream, a candy bar and a bag of potato
chips. And I know you sold a T-shirt — to ME. I
bought it to see how your system works. I used
your credit card.
Response: It is so nice to receive comments
even if they are completely false. It was not a
"huge" hunk of cake, and you had some potato
chips, too. And any candy bars I eat is in the
name of research in that I'm soon going to offer
them for sale on my blog. I'm losing significant
weight due to my rigorous diet.
"Significant weight? Oh, please!" comments:
Note from the moderator: The comment from
this user was removed for noncompliance with our
policy requiring respect for your father.
►J◄
►J◄
To write Bruce Cameron, visit his Website at
www.wbrucecameron.com. To find out more about
Bruce Cameron and read features by other
Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists,
visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at
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