I was worried my kids wouldn’t get to
bed on time.
It was close to the time they’d normally get their pajamas on, but it was a special
night. Tonight was the night to decorate the Christmas tree.
When I saw the excitement in their eyes, my concern with their bedtime ended. While my
thoughts were fixed on late bedtimes and tired kids, their thoughts were on hope, promise,
and the excitement of the holidays.
On this night,
hope and promise won out.
As I watched them running from the
decorations to the tree, I began to feel their hope and excitement. I felt further and
further from the “everyday worries” of moments before. And as I watched them
working together to create something beautiful, something else happened.
I began to be filled with love for them.
I watched them for awhile longer, and said, “You know, you two are great.”
My 6-year-old son hesitated for a second.
“You are too, Dad,” he said.
It was my
turn to hesitate. For a moment, I felt numb, and then the feelings came.
Tears of joy and gratitude streamed down my
face. “Thanks, buddy,” I whispered back. My eight-year old daughter glanced at
me and asked me if I was crying. “Yes, honey, I’m very happy right now,” I
told her. She walked over to me and gave me a hug. A second wave of feelings came, and I
breathed deeply.
As I sat there hugging my daughter, there was a part of me that was concerned about my
kids taking “emotional care” of me. It felt a bit uncomfortable to be crying in
front of my kids, and it felt odd for my daughter to comfort me.
But there was something else happening here.
We were having “a moment.” It was a moment where we felt how close we could be,
and it was a moment when my kids were seeing my authentic joy and gratitude. A moment we
would all remember for the rest of our lives.
After “the moment” passed, we continued to decorate the tree with lights and
ornaments. When we’d finished, we got back into the “daily routine” of
bedtime preparations. When my wife and I had gotten our kids to bed, I reflected on the
moment that had passed, and my life as a parent.
I thought about how easy it was for us to feel unappreciated, disrespected, and taken for
granted as parents. It seems we do so much for our kids, and we don’t get the
recognition we deserve. When life gets hard, we often long for the past, or look to the
future, but we avoid the beauty of the present.
And then a moment like this comes along. One of the moments that creates meaning in your
life. The kind of moment that reminds you of why you’re doing all you’re doing.
And when you experience this kind of moment, it’s easier to live each day and each
moment with joy and gratitude. It’s easier to face the occasional drudgery of
everyday life. And it’s easier to remember why we were put on this earth: To love
each other, and to help create a better world through that love.
As you move into this holiday season, remember to open yourself to your own
“moments.” They can happen at any time, and they’ll appear when you have
the courage and awareness to open yourself to the present moment. These moments can be
filled by joy or pain, but they shouldn’t be judged by the happiness they create.
They should be judged by whether you open yourself to that moment, and whether this moment
fills your heart and your spirit.
May your heart and spirit be filled with “moments” this holiday season, and may
you teach your children to open themselves to this spirit as well.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy fathers by
phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. Mark is an Instructor
for the Academy for Coaching Parents (www.acpi.biz), and the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally
Intelligent Fathers.” Visit him and the free resources at his site at http://www.markbrandenburg.com
