Hi, I'm (Jock) -- batteries not included, some assembly required.

     Caution! Today's program may contain humor that is unsuitable for mature listeners.

     Now, once again, here he is — a sound for sore ears......

     Horoscope -- Cancer: While assuming a lotus position in your yoga class a strange person with a pretzel fetish will assault you with hot mustard.

     The boss gave a raise. the last time I saw anything that skimpy I was reading the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

     (Jock) is hard to describe. Try to imagine someone between Frankenstein and Richard Simmons.

◊Spring Fun-Liners◊

     Tomorrow's the first day of spring and you know what that means. Time to go into hibernation until your wife finishes spring cleaning.

     The first day of spring -- let the yard work begin.

     And remember, the bigger they are, the harder they come down on you. 

     Stay tuned -- after the news I'll be back with more of the stuff I'm getting away with because the boss doesn't know what I'm doing since I tuned his office radio to another station. (Toms Lake Humor Company) 

    Drug smugglers have offered (Jock) large sums of money for his socks. They want to put 'em in suitcases and drive the airport narc dogs crazy.

     [Goof] Some days I think maybe I should just forget this job, move to (Texas), and run for mayor of Six Flags.

     It's a widely known fact in radio circles that (Jock) is perverted, sadistic, kinky, and degenerate. We're very lucky to have him.

     It may be spring, but it sure doesn't seem like it - when you have to spray polar bear repellant on your trash cans.

     Remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life. This, of course, is only a statistical estimate and the actual first day of the rest of your life is subject to change without notice.

    Now, today's hunting tip. Never sit on a deer run, wearing a hat with antlers. Even if your boss tells you to.

     I had a terrible nightmare. I dreamed I was face to face with God -- and He asked me to spell "broccoli."

     Guests on today's program receive the exciting new self-help book entitled, "How to Control Embarrassing Foot Odor by Stomping Grapefruit."