It's me again -- you may start idolizing.

     Do we have a great show today? Does P. Diddy have ricochet insurance?

     The best thing I can say about (Jock's) coffee is that I'm pretty sure it's low-tar.

     This portion of today's program is brought to you by Shakey Valley Sticky California Dressing. Remember, it's guaranteed to hold your salad together no matter what.

     Just had a call from Elvis. He assured me that he is dead; but if he wasn't, he'd be listening to "The (Jock) Program."

     (Artist) I met her once and she's a real klutz. She tripped right over my tongue.

     It's such a fantastic day it makes me feel like I wish I did.

     The boss hasn't spoken to me in a week -- and I'm in no mood to interrupt him.

     Today's forecast: fair and windy, with a 60% chance everybody will have hair like Lyle Lovett.

     Here's a tip for aspiring deejays. If you get your tongue caught in the CD player -- keep talking -- and try not to hit any important buttons with your nose. (Toms Lake Humor Company) 

     Okay, it’s break time — the child within me needs a Kit Kat.

     Today’s Soap Opera Update: On "One Virus to Give," Lavonne tells Chad that she accidentally soufleed their frozen embryos, and Skylar contemplates whether to write a suicide note on his Snoopy stationary.

     Today on "General Soapspital," Froofy discovers her new boytoy isn't really rich when the necklace he gave her for St. Patrick's Day turns her neck green.

     Now, today's kiddie health warning. Remember, kiddies, if you eat too many Gummy Bears, you can wind up with a Gummy Tummy.

     This one's a real foot-stomper. But remember, before you start stompin' be sure to take your foot off the gas pedal.

     (Next Jock) may be a little late. He had to go in today for his annual autopsy.

     I have to go. The Save the Slush Committee has asked me to be a judge at their annual wet sock contest.

     I've got to get home. I promised my wife I'd make her some cream of chicken soup for dinner, and I don't have the slightest idea yet how to milk a chicken.

Copyright ©2011 by Joe Hickman