And now, The (Jock) Show, hosted by the radio punk who was grungy before grungy was cool.

     Warning! Portions of the following program may not be intense enough for some party animals.

     This portion of today's show is brought to you by Radio Dump, the electronics store conveniently located everywhere you turn. And remember at Radio Dump, the quality goes in before the price goes up.

     I usually keep it pretty simple. Using big words makes my tongue sore.

     This week the first sign of spring comes to All My Children -- a robin sleeping in someone else's nest.

     Today's exciting gardening tip. Remember, keep your compost heap moist this time of year. That way, on a windy day, your entire neighborhood can enjoy it.

     Horoscope. Gemini: Today is your best day of the year to go over Niagara Falls, under the influence of fig brandy, in a '52 Plymouth.

     This is (WJOK), world's greatest radio station, tops in music, news, and sports; first in public service. Now, if we can only get a bathroom!

     [garble] That's what happens when I try to say more words than my mouth can hold. My tongue gets mad and throws a fit.

     Now today's parenting tip from our staff adolescent expert, Dr. Greasy Kidstuff. Dr. Kidstuff says, to encourage an adolescent to pick up his dirty clothes, install a basketball hoop over the laundry hamper. Most likely, the kid will totally ignore it, but with a little practice you may enjoy it.

     Now, today's healthy diet tip. Never eat any food with a warning label containing the term "flare-out."

     Everybody should have a hobby. My hobby is snoring.
     I enjoy snoring because it's easy.
     Snoring is so easy I can do it with my eyes closed.

     I thought about becoming another Rush Limbaugh, but everybody said one was enough.

     Today's horoscope. Leo: Your love life is governed by assorted space junk. You will soon meet someone who is tall, dark, and married.

      If I'd known it was going to stay this cold I would have shot the groundhog.

     The management of this station is not responsible for any loss of dignity suffered while listening to the preceding program.

Copyright ©2011 by Joe Hickman