Now, blatantly setting aside all good taste, (WJOK) loudly presents "The (Jock) Program!"

     For best results, the following program should be heard through wonderful woofers, terrific tweeters, and clean ears.

     And now, reason #7 for having your taxes prepared by H&R Cellblock. If you go to jail, we'll personally bake you a cake with a file in it.

     (Other Jock) and I don't have much in common. I'm sane.

     (Sad song) That's the saddest thing I've heard since my wife told me what she was giving up for Lent.

     (NEWSMAN) is wearing a new outfit -- and the look is definitely 'him'. Cheap, uncoordinated, and trashy. (Toms Lake Humor Company) 

     This portion of today's program is brought to you by The Immortal Rock Stars CD Club. Hurry, fans, send just $69.95 a month and whenever any rock star dies, we'll rush his or her greatest hits directly to you by overnight express. And you know how fast that is.
     In fact, you'll have every immortal rock star's hits even before The National Enquirer has time to interview their spirit.
     So don't delay, somebody famous could die at any moment.
     Immortal rap and country stars slightly higher.

     I was into rap music years ago. Every time I started to sing, my music teacher would rap me upside the head.

     A little later we'll review the new book -- "How To Win The Respect and Admiration of Your Friends By Doing All Your Own Dental Work." (Toms Lake Humor Company) 

     Your attention, please. Will the doofus who keeps throwing ice cubes at the goalie please get your ice off the ice?

     I got over the flu in 24 hours. I think the germs froze to death.

     My nasal passages were so clogged up I couldn't even blow my nase.

     I thought I'd sneeze my head off. Fortunately, I have very heavy ears.

     Stay tuned, gang. After the news we'll discuss the exciting new book entitled, "How to Clean Your Oven in Seconds and Where to Get the Dynamite.

     And remember, if you're the first to call with the correct answer to today's jackpot question, I'll have Jack come over and hit you with his pot.

     I took the boss to a turkey shoot, but he lucked out as usual. Everybody missed him.

     [Sad song] That is soooo sad, but I'm not going to cry. It dilutes my Slurpee.

     I asked the receptionist if she had a safety pin I could borrow. She said she had one, but it was busy.

     Underwear for today's program was provided by Natural Valley Granola Shorts, the underwear nature intended.

     Up next, (Jock) -- living, breathing proof that a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

     Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go home and irritate the cat.