And now here he is -- disc jockey, dog lover, and inventor of the Frisbee doily......   (Toms Lake Humor Company)

     Today's mold and mildew count is 72. And, of course, that's 567 in dog pollen.

      I went to a wild concert on vacation. It featured eight well-known new wave groups performing live. Then, for a finale, they hung three of them.

     (Jock) is one year away from being a good deejay. Next year he'll be two years away.

     Today's exciting trivia. The first man in history to milk a rhinoceros was Stan Evans of Bristol, England, in January 1964. Prior to that event, rhinos roamed the earth completely unmilked.

     The summer sun is the hottest thing there is -- except for your car's steering wheel.

     A listener writes: "Dear (Jock), when you're on the air I never leave my radio. I'm afraid someone might turn it on."

     I owe everything to my career in radio. I owe the bank, the landlord, my son's piggy bank.....

     This broadcast is the exclusive property of WJOK Radio and is intended solely for the entertainment of our audience. Rebroadcast or other use of this program without the express written consent of WJOK Radio is prohibited. Violators will be tortured and shot and ridden out of town on a rail provided by Amtrack for promotional consideration.

    Now, today's higher education reminder. Remember, college isn't for everyone -- because everyone cannot kick a football 50 yards in the air.

     Today's dumb horoscope. Libra: A low-key approach can bring exciting results -- especially if you're trying to unlock a midget.

     Lipstick for today's program was supplied by Krazy Glue, the exciting new lipstick for women who want a more permanent relationship.

     Here's some advice for joggers. If you insist on running in this weather, your body will need plenty of fluid -- embalming fluid.

     [Oldie] Sold Old, 1986! I'll never forget 1986. That was the year the Hot Wax Car Wash melted my bumpers.

     Heck, anybody can play 10 songs in a row -- I'm going to play 10 songs at the same time!

     Toothpaste for today's show was supplied by Sweet Tooth, the first and only diet toothpaste. Sweet Tooth tastes so bad it destroys your appetite while it destroys your teeth.

     TV Preview: Today on Dr. Oz, two psychiatrists declare each other insane.

     Now, another amazing offer from Dr. (Jock's) Fixit Shop & Neutering Clinic.
     Yes, fans, Dr. (Jock) is slashing the high cost of surgical malpractice. This week only Dr. (Jock) will neuter your dog, cat, or any male in the immediately family at cut-rate prices.
     Why worry about unwanted litters when Dr. (Jock's) gentle, experienced, half-price hands can fix your problem in minutes?
     Hurry! Mail your dog, cat, or other problem to Cheap Fix, care of this station.
     Price does not include rhinos, giraffes slightly higher.

     Don't forget, I'll be at KFC tonight -- autographing thighs.