Now, a man who is such a rebel, he bathes standing up and takes showers laying down.....

     The following program was pre-recorded. It was then lost somehow -- which is why we're doing this inferior live version.  (Toms Lake Humor Company)

     I have to talk slow er to day. In this weather I don't want my tongue to overheat.

     What a weekend. I stepped on some bubblegum at the beach and my toes are still stuck together.

     One thing I love about radio is that you have a little privacy from your audience. For example, I've worn the same shirt for three years.

     Today's program is brought to you by Taco Town, a great place to gas up.

     That's so beautiful. I mean, doesn't that make you want to run right out and marry a half-dozen rock singers?

     I admit the new receptionist gets your attention. But I still don't think orange and purple hair goes with green mascara.

     Now today's dating question. Why is it that a girl will lay beside a guy all day at the beach in a string bikini, but in the car on the way home she keeps pulling her skirt down over her knees?

    The Rangers bit the dust so often this season they just filed for black lung benefits.

     Traction for today's show is provided by Wide Tread, the new radial tire that's so wide you only need two of them. A full five feet wider than most tires, Wide Treads are just the thing for running down smart-alec pedestrians.

     Remember, a head-on collision is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

     It’s football season again, when a 300-pound tackle will hit, block, punch, spit, swear, and then wave to the camera and say, "Hi, Mom."

     Our next door neighbor is sharing his home-grown tomatoes with us. Just last night he threw one through the window at me.

     We buried my uncle this week. If he ever finds out what my aunt paid for his funeral, his heart just may start up again.

     This portion of today's program is brought to you by Honest Al's Used Cars, where you can save big money every day by staying away from Honest Al's Used Cars.

     Today's little known fact: In parts of California, you are not legally dead until the doctor squishes your karma. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

     I’d ask (Jock) to tell us about his weekend plans, but I don’t want to cause drowsiness.

     I'm a little nervous because I have a doctor's appointment right after the show. I have to take my wallet back and have the stitches removed.

     Stay tuned for (Next Jock), one outstanding example that radio hasn't progressed as far as we thought.