|
Other News
You Might Have Missed: |
Newt Gingrich said that
Mitt Romney got rich via vulture capitalism. Meanwhile Mitt accused Newt of
getting rich by lobbying. Republicans are going through a natural process of
eliminating all the candidates until they can find one who inherited his wealth.
(comedian
Argus Hamilton)
Newt Gingrich says that if he becomes the
GOP nominee, he will refuse to take part in a debate if the moderators are
journalists. Well, that eliminates all the networks except for Fox News.
(Wendel
Potter)
At Newt Gingrich’s Florida “Not-quite-Victory” Party, one of the tunes was “”Hit
Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benatar Hearing that, Mitt Romney suggested Newt
invite Dick Cheney.
(Janice
Hough)
California is mandating that by 2025 15% of all new cars sold in the state must
have zero or near zero emissions. Which will be easy since gas will be $12 a
gallon by then and most cars will be just sitting in the garage.
(Jim
Barach)
Starbucks has closed its very
first east coast store, which opened 19 years ago. Apparently, it just couldn't
keep up with its main competition: the Starbucks across the street.
(Jimmy
Fallon)
The Super Bowl is Sunday in
Indianapolis. The average fan attending this game will shell out $3,000. And
once he pays for his beer, it’s off to find his seat.
(Alan
Ray)
Shocking most Americans who
read it, the results of a UK study on driving habits indicate that women are
better at parking than men. Of course, it's a British study that observed
Brit drivers. Over there, men
tend to be more distracted because most of them suffer from constant toothaches.
(Bob
Mills)
Michelle Obama went on the
"Tonight Show" and tried to convince Jay Leno that he'd be healthier and live
longer if he ate a better diet. In a related story, today Conan O'Brien endorsed
Mitt Romney.
(writer,
comedian Frank King)
|
 |
|
Signs You're Taking
Genealogy Too Seriously:
|
|
|
You are the only person to show up at the cemetery research party
with a shovel.
To put the "final touches" on your genealogical research, you've asked all of
your closest relatives to provide DNA samples.
You were instrumental in having "non-genealogical use of the
genealogy room copy machine" classified as a federal hate crime.
Your house leans slightly toward the side where your genealogical records are stored.
You decided to take a two-week break from genealogy, and the U.S. Postal Office
immediately laid off 1,500 employees.
Out of respect for your best friend's unquestioned reputation for honesty and integrity,
you are willing to turn off that noisy surveillance camera while she reviews your 57
genealogical research notebooks in your home. The armed security guard, however, will
remain.
You plod merrily along "refining" your recently published family history,
blissfully unaware that the number of errata pages now far exceeds the number of pages in
your original publication.
During an ice storm and power outage, you ignore the pleas of your shivering spouse and
place your last quilt around that 1886 photograph of dear Uncle George.
"A Loving Family" and "Financial Security" have moved up to second and
third, respectively, on your list of life's goals, but still lag far behind "Owning
My Own Microfilm Reader."
A magical genie appears and agrees to grant your any one wish, and you ask that the 1890
census be restored.
[Authur unknown, from The
Mouthpiece]
|
|
 |
|
|
Newt Gingrich praised his fellow GOP candidates for their diversity. There are
white guys running with gray hair, there are white guys running with brown hair
and there are white guys running with black hair.
(Jim
Barach)
In what some critics are calling the most radial tactic ever employed in a State
of the Union Address, President Barack Obama risked alienating congressional
Republicans last night by repeatedly using facts.
--The President did not mention any of his GOP presidential rivals by name in
his speech, but at one point said that government should be “leaner,” a blatant
jab at former House Speaker Newt Gingrich.
(BorowitzReport.com)
Mitt Romney released his tax returns showing he will pay $6.2 million on income
of over $42.5 million over the last two years. For a rate of 13.9% in 2010, and
15.4% in 2011. Well, gosh, with that kind of rate hike in 2011 I can see why
Mitt thinks he needs a tax cut.
(Janice
Hough)
A huge solar
storm may cause disruptions in satellite communications over the next
couple of days. If you’re lucky, the next GOP debate will be nothing but a
test pattern.
On the bright
side, you can step outside and get a golden bronze tan in 12 seconds.
(comedy
writer
Jerry
Perisho)
The NAACP threatened action against Microsoft Thursday if it releases its new
Avoid the Ghetto app, which uses GPS to help users avoid dangerous
neighborhoods. Avoid the Ghetto was Microsoft's second try at an acceptable
name. They were worried that if they called it the Cocaine Shopping Mall app it
would crash the system.
(comedian
Argus Hamilton)
An 85-year-old Alaska woman, whose husband was being trampled by a moose, beat
the moose away with a shovel. Both husband and wife are fine, but the moose is
being brutally teased by all the other moose.
(comedy
writer
Alex Kaseberg)
Nick Nolte was nominated for Best Supporting Actor. It's his first major
nomination since 2002, when he was nominated for Most Maniacal Mug Shot.
(Jimmy
Kimmel)
During President Obama's State of the Union speech, he talked about enacting
legislation which would force high school kids to stay in school until they
graduate. That's ridiculous. How would Texas ever elect a governor? (writer,
comedian Frank King)
MSNBC has a frequent contributor named Crystal Ball. Think that's a strange name
for a reporter? It's nothing compared
to her brothers "Knuckle" and "Spit." (Bob
Mills)
Archaeologists have found evidence that dogs were domesticated pets over 33,000
years ago.
Most had to sleep outdoors at night.
They weren’t cave broken.
(Alan
Ray)
|
