Queen Elizabeth was born on this day in 1533. Not Queen Elizabeth Junior. This was the original Liz. The one with the long nose. The one they called Super Snout.
     Honest, this queen had such a nose, once while vacationing in Italy, she sneezed at the Tower of Pisa and almost blew it over.

     On this day in 1901 Theodore Roosevelt advised, "Speak softly and carry a big stick." Excellent advice for designated hitters who want to broadcast when they retire."

     The first Miss America Pageant was held in Atlantic City on this day in 1921. The winner, Margaret Gorman, was only 15. Unfortunately, Margaret was stripped of her title when she posed for magazine photos without her braces.

     The first Miss America was crowned on this date in 1921. Margaret Gorman, a 15-year-old from Washington, D.C., stood 5-1 and measured 30-25-32. She was not only the first Miss America, she was also the youngest, shortest, and flattest.

     On this date in 1936 the Hoover Dam began operating on the Colorado River. Talk about an engineering marvel. The Hoover Dam retains more water than Kirstie Alley with PMS.

     On this day in 1855 the Crimean War ended. The soldiers were all happy to get out of Crimea because they never made any money there. As everybody knows, Crimea does not pay.
     With jokes like that, neither does comedy.

     It's Sawdust Week in Spearfish, South Dakota, the largest logging event in the Black Hills. Highlight is the chainsaw throwing contest. And if you think that's dangerous, you should see the chainsaw catching contest.

      Anna Mary "Grandma" Moses was born on this day in 1860. She painted her first picture at age 78 and became America's most famous "primitive" artist. In art terminology "primitive" means, when Grandma painted a picture of a horse, it looked like a horse.

     Jesse James robbed his last train on this date in 1881 and escaped with $840 near Blue Cut, Missouri. As usual, Jesse introduced each member of his gang to the passengers, and tipped the porter a dollar. If he didn't shoot you, being robbed by Jesse was fun.

      New York's Eighth Avenue Post Office opened on this day in 1914. On the front of the building was the inscription, "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." Which everybody thinks is the Post Office motto, but it's not. Actually, the Post Office motto is, "Next Window, Please."

     Mary Davis set a new talking record on this day in 1958. Mary started talking on September 2nd in Buffalo, and didn't shut up until four-and-a-half days later in Tulsa. The trip didn't cost her a cent. People along the way kept buying her bus tickets to get rid of her.

     Buddy Holly was born on this day in 1936. He was the great rock n' roller who looked like an accountant. To get a record contract today, he'd probably have to pull his teeth, have his chin pierced, and wear his glasses backwards.

     On this day in 1881 Jesse James robbed his last train and escaped with $840. It sounds like a lot, but each gang member got a paid vacation and free health care for him and his horse. And there were dues to the Train Robbers Association, and contributions to the Old Crooks Home.....

     On this day in 1880 George Ligowsky obtained a patent for the clay pigeons used in target practice. And I guess out there somewhere is a statue of Mr. Ligowsky, which real pigeons use for target practice.