Today is Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer. Traditionally, it’s a good day to get ready for autumn and go ahead and scrub the mildew out of your armpits.
     Today in Canada, today’s the day the ladies usually take their fur halter-tops out of moth balls.

     Labor Day is a day to honor workers by giving them the day off. And while everything’s quiet around the factory, we can send a few more jobs down to Mexico.

      This is Labor Day, a time to honor those rugged individuals who earn their daily bread and their DVDs by the sweat of their brows and other things.
     Let's face it, without the workers, who'd make all the robots to replace the workers?

     Today is Labor Day in the U.S. and Canada, a day to honor people who actually do something, who keep producing day and day out, never complain, and very seldom even shoot their bosses.

     And on this Labor Day we salute all the hard-working union members who keep your nose clean and never picket.

     The first Labor Day celebration was in 1894. Before 1894, peopled labored so hard they were too pooped to party.

     Have you noticed? On Labor Day, management always takes a day off, too. And for good reason. Having management alone at work with no supervision is just too dangerous.

     I love Labor Day. In fact, I like any holiday that doesn't require me to eat yams.

     Today is Labor Day. It's the last holiday of the summer when workers really need a day off to recuperate from their vacations.

     Today is Labor Day, a day to honor the courageous working men and women have made this great nation what it is today -- tired.

     Stay tuned. As soon as I'm sure the boss isn't listening, I will play everybody's favorite Labor Day song -- "Take This Job and Shove It!"

      Today is Be Late for Something Day. I told the boss I'd be late for work -- he said he'd be late with my paycheck.

     Sam Houston was elected President of Texas on this date in 1836. Sam had come to Texas after his wife walked out on him in Tennessee. He led the Texas Army to defeat Mexico at San Jacinto. If Sam's marriage had worked, today Barack Obama might be wearing a sombrero.

     On this date in 1776 the U.S. Navy adopted its first standardized uniforms. Like modern military uniforms, the first Navy clothes came in two sizes -- too large and too small.

     Today's exciting Navy uniform trivia question:
     Who on earth invented those silly Navy pants with all the buttons and the flap in front?
     Those silly Navy pants with all the buttons and the flap in front were invented by the infamous alcoholic Jewish pirate, Long John Silverstein, who got the idea one winter when he accidentally sobered up and realized he had his longjohns on backwards.

     Arthur C. Nielsen was born on this day in 1897. Nielsen was the founder of the Nielsen rating system for television, which came as no surprise to his mother. When Arthur was born, the first thing he did was count how many people watched the birth compared to the appendectomy in the next room.

     On this date in 1940 actress Raquel Welch was born. Early in her career, you could say Raquel had small roles—but not small parts.

     The world’s largest pork chop barbecue is this week with the Hog Capital of the World Festival in Kewanee, Illinois. For four days the whole town pigs out on pork. Miss Piggy and the National Organization for Sows are expected to pigget the festival.

     Today is Be Late For Something Day, sponsored by the Procrastinators Club. Of course, if you’re too busy and have to observe it later, it’s okay.
     Personally, I'm not good at procrastinating. I try to procrastinate, but I just never seem to get around to it.

     Today is Be Late For Something Day, sponsored by the Procrastinators Club of America. A few good things to be late for:
     * A benefit autopsy. Especially your own.
     * A free class in advanced skinhead taming.
     * An illegal vasectomy.
     * America Day at Six Flags Over Iraq.
     * Candlelight dinner for two with a waterbed test pilot.
     * A meeting of the Jerry Springer Fan Club.

     The Continental Congress met for the first time on this date in 1774. To prove they were serious, they got right down to business, voted themselves a pay raise, and went on vacation.

     Folk singer Loudon Wainwright the 3rd is 65 today. His biggest hit was the 1973 un-smash "Dead Skunk In the Middle of the Road." It may not have made #1, but it was named Best Roadkill Ballad of the Year.
     Actually, the song did hit #1 for six weeks in Little Rock, Arkansas, where dead skunks were bronzed and worshipped during the '70s.
     You may still find one on eBay now and then.