On this day in 1901 Theodore
Roosevelt advised, "Speak softly
and carry a big stick."
Excellent advice for designated
hitters who want to broadcast
when they retire."
The annual Oatmeal Festival
starts today
in Oatmeal, Texas. In Texas, though, oatmeal is a little different. Instead of
making it with water or milk, they use chili.
And Pepcid-AC.
Quarterback-sportscaster Terry Bradshaw is
63 today. For his birthday, the guys at the network all chipped in to buy him
a new scalp sander.
It’s not a fun procedure, but it’s the only way to cut
down the glare from the TV lights.
Today is V-J Day, Victory Over
Japan Day, marking the Japanese surrender in 1945. General Douglas MacArthur signed the
documents for the U.S., then the Japanese envoy bowed and sold him a Toyota.
The great fire of London started
on this date in 1666. The smoke was so thick you could hardly see the fog.
The fire destroyed 13-thousand houses, and in those days nobody
had fire insurance. And the Red Cross didn't have nearly enough doughnuts.
Actor Mark Harmon is
60 today.
He’s married to Pam Dawber. If you ever saw him on
Chicago Hope, you know why
their friends call them Dork and Mindy.
Sportscaster Terry Bradshaw is
63
today. His friends will sing "Happy Birthday" to him if he’ll shut up long
enough.
Terry could always talk you to death. When he was 28 his own hair
just got up and left.
He’s already been inducted into the Hypermouth Hall of
Fame.
At a livestock auction on
this day in 1976 an Australian ram sold for $50,000, the second most expensive ram in
history. The most expensive ram in history is every time the U.S. Congress rams another
pay raise down taxpayers' throats.
The World Championship Barbecue
Goat Cook-Off starts today in Brady, Texas. Last year's winning goat was soaked for two
weeks in lemon Jell-O and basted with jalapeno syrup and armadillo gravy. Three weeks
later, to get rid of the taste, two judges had their tongues removed.
The World Championship
Barbecue Goat Cook-Off
starts today
in Brady, Texas.
The most important thing to remember in goat barbecuing is to make sure the
goat is extremely dead. Otherwise, he'll eat the charcoal.
First, take one medium-size goat and marinade him for three days
in a medium-size bathtub full of cheap wine. Expensive wine is okay, too, but the horns
won't be as tender.
The World Championship Goat
Barbecue starts today in Brady, Texas. Goat barbecuing is a lot of
fun -- except for the goat.
It's baaaaaaad!
The "Indian Love Call"
was first performed on this day in 1924 when
Rose Marie opened on Broadway. I
sang the "Indian Love Call" once in the shower, and an Indian answered
immediately.
He lived the apartment above me.
He said I was making his buffalo homesick.
On this date in 1666 the Great
Fire of London erupted, destroying 13,000 homes and creating a serious shortage of
marshmallows.
Quarterback Terry
Bradshaw is 63
today. Terry's birthday parties are unique. He always has little cakes shaped like
footballs, and he throws one to each guest. You have to sack him for the ice cream.
The pedestrian catcher was
patented on this day in 1930. It was a safety device for cars designed to prevent
pedestrians, when hit by a car, from falling under its wheels. It also kept the car from
getting all bloody, and was a fast way to pick up girls. I don't know why it didn't sell.
On this date in 1666 the Great Fire of London
erupted and destroyed 13,000 homes. The insurance industry immediately cancelled
all policies and moved to America.
