Comedy Calendar - Deejay humor showprep

Comedy Calendar

March 5, 2011

President Franklin Roosevelt closed all the banks on this date in 1933. It was his second day in office, but I'm not sure if he was giving the bankers time to recuperate from the Hoover administration or from the Inaugural Ball.
In 1933 I wasn't born yet, so my memory is a little hazy.

Soviet Premier Joseph Stalin died on this day in 1953. Stalin's death was the end of an era -- not to mention the end of Stalin.

     Actor Jay Silverheels, who played Tonto in "The Lone Ranger" series, died on this day in 1980. I always felt sorry for Tonto. Every week the Lone Ranger sent him into town to get hit on the head.
     Tonto held the Old West record for taking aspirin.
     Tonto always called the Lone Ranger "Kemosabe," which means "friend." And because Tonto always willingly went into town to get clobbered, the Lone Ranger had a pet name for Tonto, too -- "Kemosucker."

Antoine Cadillac was born in France on this date in 1658. He founded Detroit and always rode a luxury horse.
If he'd had his way, we'd all be rapping in French.

The Boston Massacre occurred on this date in 1770 when a snowball fight turned into a riot. It was really sad. There weren't even any TV reporters to blame it on.

The Boston Massacre took place on this day in 1770. It's reenacted every year in the playoffs when somebody massacres the Red Sox.

Gerardus Mercator was born on this day in 1512. Mecator invented geography. Without geography we wouldn't know where anybody is, including us.
So things could get pretty confusing when you started asking for directions at the service station.

Retired Dallas Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin is 45 today. In his birthday card, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones assured Michael that at 45 he’s old enough to grow up. Michael sent back a note saying, "I will if you will."

Actor Jay Silverheels was born on this date in 1919. He played Tonto and spent his entire career going into town to check things out. He died in 1980. He didn’t want to, but The Lone Ranger sent him into heaven to check things out.

The Boston Massacre occurred on this day in 1770 when British soldiers lost their cool and fired into a crowd, filling five and wounding six others. That was the day Bostonians, armed only with cream pies, decided to get some guns.

Today's exciting Boston Massacre Trivia Question:

Whatever happened to the nine British soldiers who massacred five Bostonians on this date in 1770?

     The Boston massacre made Americans so mad they decided to start their own country.
      This scared the French fries out of the British, so Captain Preston and eight British soldiers involved in the massacre were tried for murder. But Preston and six of the men were acquitted. The other two were convicted of manslaughter, branded on the hand, and released.
      This made Americans so mad they decided to start their own corrupt courts.

The late Rex Harrison was born on this day in 1908. One of his best roles was Dr. Doolittle. Actually, most doctors do little, at least until they see how much insurance you've got.

Gerardus Mercator was born on this date in 1512. He invented geography, which sort of keeps everything organized. Without geography, Cleveland might be in Kansas, and Kansas City could be in Cuba. And wouldn't that mess up overnight mail service?

Jeff Henzler became the world champion kisser on this day in 1977 at Regency Hall, Indiana. He kissed 3,225 girls in eight hours. Then he set another record by spending the rest of the semester in a cold shower.

On this date in 1558 Francisco Fernandes taught the Europeans how to smoke. They'd never even thought of it before. Poor slobs. They didn't know the thrill of coughing up exciting big chunks of yucky stuff every morning.
And having their breath smell like over-cooked snuff.

Sergeant Elvis Presley was discharged from the U.S. Army on this date in 1960. Elvis liked the army, especially army food. In fact, he walked out of Fort Dix with a duffle bag full of chipped beef and a foot-locker full of cream gravy.

On this day in 1842 the Florida Legislature called on Congress to enact a law authorizing cash payments for Indian scalps. Such a law was never passed, of course. It's always been the policy of the U.S. government to only scalp taxpayers.

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