The world's largest Rattlesnake Roundup is this weekend in Sweetwater, Texas.
The average 3-day roundup nets over six tons of live rattlesnakes. Which, it
seems to me, is just about a much as anybody would want
Today is Johnny Appleseed Day,
honoring Johnny "Appleseed" Chapman who
died on this date in 1847. Most
famous people are honored on the date of their birth, but in Johnny Appleseed's case it
seemed more appropriate on the day he was planted.
Ts’ai Lun invented paper on
this date in the year 105. Before that, they had to write everything on stone tablets.
Which meant that most librarians were best known for their hernias.
Even a sticky note weighed a half pound.
A spit-wad could kill you.
Happy 77th birthday to journalist
Sam Donaldson. Sam doesn't go out at night anymore. He's tired of being attacked by owls
thinking his eyebrows are small rodents.
Lawrence Welk was born on
this date in 1903. His "champagne music" bubbled its way into TV-land for 27
years, and it's still going strong in syndication. And almost every show was sponsored by
the favorite sports drink of senior citizens everywhere -- Geezerade!
Journalist Sam Donaldson is 77 today.
I used to think Sam wore a hairpiece, and instead of hair spray he used spray starch. But
now, after seeing him up-close on big-screen TV, I think his hair is just painted on.
On this day in 1914 the
federal government took control of the Alaska Railroad, the first railroad operated by the
U.S. government. To fund the railroad, taxes were raised. And ever since then the
government has been using taxes to railroad Americans.
Today is Commonwealth Day
in Canada, but nobody gets that excited about it these days. With the inflated Canadian
dollar, wealth just isn't that common anymore.
One of America's great meat packers,
Oscar Mayer, died at the age of 96 on this day in 1955. But, of course, his baloney lives
on.
Thank goodness Oscar was not a politician.
The first armored car holdup in
America took place in Pittsburgh on this day in 1927. If you are a driver, there are two
times when you are likely to be robbed -- when you're driving an armored car, or when
you're buying a new car.
The first man to drive 300 miles
an hour, Malcolm Campbell, was born on this day in 1885. Unfortunately, Malcolm hit the
record speed in a school zone and spent the rest of his life riding a bicycle.
Steve Draper of Dapto, New South
Wales, Australia, set a record on this day in 1978 by pushing a wheelbarrow loaded with
2,076 pounds of bricks 22 feet 9½ inches. Steve also set a record that day for history's
largest hernia.
Lawrence Welk was born on this
date in 1903, and you'll be happy to know that even though he's been dead for years,
Lawrence is still bubbling all over the place. Seems they buried him in a Jacuzzi full of
champagne.
Two math majors in Newmarket,
Ontario, set a record on this date in 1976 by building a 39-foot slide-rule. They must
have had some really big problems.
Johnny Appleseed died on this day
in 1847. Johnny traveled around planting apple orchards, and he was regarded by Native
Americans as a great medicine man. In fact, the Indians originated a saying about that:
"An apple a day keeps the medicine man away."
Malcolm Campbell was born on this
day in 1885. Sir Malcolm was the first man to travel 300 miles an hour in an automobile.
In a 30-mile zone.
Fortunately, the policeman was in a good mood and let him off
with a warning.
Babe Ruth signed a two-year
contract with the Yankees on this day in 1930 for a whopping $80,000. Things were tough
for ball players back then: no agents, no arbitration. Heck, they didn't even have
deodorant commercials.
Oscar Mayer died on this day in
1955. Oscar popularized baloney. Before that, baloney was just something politicians were
full of.
The first public game of
basketball was played on this date in 1892. Previously, games had been played only at the
YMCA, where the game was invented by Dr. Kareem Abdul-Naismith.
On this day in 222 the Roman
Emperor Heliogabalus as murdered. Probably because everybody got tired of trying to
pronounce his name.
