Millard Fillmore became U.S. president on this day in 1850. Millard Fillmore is best known as the president with the funniest name. He would have been completely forgotten by now if Michael Dukakis had been elected.

     This is Nude Recreation Week, so remember: If you're celebrating your independence by playing around nude, be especially careful with those firecrackers.

     This is Nude Recreation Week, time to get outdoors and have fun naked. If you’re rollerblading, it’s still a good idea to wear your helmet.
     I’d wear mine over my face.

     This is National Nude Recreation Week in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, and National Chicken Days are underway in Wayne, Nebraska. National Chicken Days are for people who are too chicken to participate in National Nude Recreation Week.
     That's most of us, I suspect.

     On this date in 1966 artificial turf, or "Astroturf," was installed in the Houston Astrodome. It was actually green shag carpet, but to keep getting their free tickets, sports writers will write anything club owners tell them to.

     History's first successful open heart surgery was performed on this day in 1893. But things were different back then. In 1893, surgery was considered successful if the patient survived. Today it's considered successful if the patient doesn't file suit.

     Teenagers at a Richardson, Texas, church fried the world's largest doughnut on this day in 1978. It weighed 74 pounds, and they ate the whole thing in less than an hour. The local paper called it a miracle -- the headline read "Minister feeds multitude with one doughnut!"

     On this date in 1795 James Swan personally paid off the entire U.S. national debt of $2,024,899. Times have changed. Back then, millionaires paid off the taxpayers' debts; now the taxpayers pay off the millionaires' debts.

      On this day in 1938, 35-million gas masks were issued to Britain’s civilian population in anticipation of World War-Two. We can expect similar precautions if (Howard Stern) ever releases his own line of designer fragrances.

     Actor Tom Hanks was born on this day in 1956. So we’ll remind Tom about middle-age with advice from Forrest Gump: "Remember, after 40 every box of chocolates ends up hanging over your belt."

     It was Mama Hanks, you'll recall, who said, "Like is like a can of Spam. If you don't make something of it pretty quick, it'll turn your stomach."

     Elias Howe was born on this date in 1819. Howe is best known for inventing the sewing machine, but he also invented another useful device: the windsock, to detect the drift and velocity of political speeches.

     On this day in 1918 the U.S. Army authorized the Distinguished Service Cross to honor extraordinary heroism on the part of soldiers. The first recipient was PFC Ira Irongut of Detroit, who during his entire two-year hitch ate every meal in the Army mess hall.

     President Zachary Taylor died in office on this date in 1850, automatically thrusting into the national spotlight one of our great American heroes, Millard Fillmore.
     Fillmore is best known as the president who installed a bathtub in the White House. He was the first president to receive the Nobel Prize for Cleanliness.
     And the coveted Good Housekeeping Rubber Duck Award.

     On this date in 1850 Millard Fillmore became U.S. president when Zachary Taylor died in office. Fillmore lost the next election, though, when his opponent campaigned with the slogan, "Tastes Great, Less Fillmore."

     Today's exciting Millard Fillmore trivia question: Has there ever been an American politician with a name as funny as Millard Fillmore?
     Yes, Millard's best friend and backer, Thurlow Weed.
     Thurlow and Millard used to sit around for hours in smoke-filled rooms just laughing at each other's names.

     The World Championship Domino Tournament is this month in Andalusia, Alabama. I suppose it'll be live on the All Domino Network.
     I hate to miss all those great slow-motion replays.

     On this day in 1936 it was 106 degrees in New York's Central Park. It was so hot that day in the park, the ice cream vendors were the only people getting mugged.

     On this day in 1960, a 7-year-old boy became the first person to go over Niagara Falls without a barrel -- and survive! He didn't do it on purpose. He accidentally fell into the river above the falls; and when fished out a few minutes later below the falls, he was crying -- because he lost his new sneakers. (Honest!)
     Hey, that day God just didn't want another 7-year-old in heaven.

     O.J. Simpson was born on this day in 1947. Something tells me at his birthday party the family will make sure O.J. doesn't have to cut the cake himself.

     Actor Tom Hanks was born on this day in 1956. Tom is glad his friends no longer give him Forrest Gump parties. For a while there he got so many boxes of chocolates he was getting middle-aged zits.

     Elias Howe was born on this day in 1819. Before Howe invented the sewing machine, we couldn't sew clothes fast and inexpensively -- so we had to import everything from Korea.

      On this day in 1988 WDAF radio in Kansas City offered $2 million to anyone who would bring Elvis Presley to their studios for an exclusive interview. It was a pretty safe offer, of course, since Elvis wanted $4.5 million.

      On this day in 1795 James Swan paid off the entire U.S. national debt of $2,024,899. He later spent 22 years in a French prison for failure to pay his own debts. Moral: Never get the Blanche before the Carte.

      Elias Howe was born on this date in 819. In addition to the sewing machine, Howe invented the windsock, not to be confused with the windbag. The windsock is used at airports -- the windbag is usually elected.

      Football running back O.J. Simpson was born on this day in 1947, which was quite a relief to his mother. Most expectant moms feel discomfort when the baby kicks -- O.J. preferred jogging!