The first baseball All-Star Game was played on this date in 1933. Babe Ruth hit a home run. After the game Babe told reporters, "I'm just happy I could contribute, and I sure hope they don't get some blob with a pot belly to play me in the movies."

     Yo! Sylvester Stallone was born on this date in 1946. Sly will celebrate his birthday in true action hero fashion. He'll blow out all the candles on his birthday cake with a machine gun.

     The great trumpeter Louie Armstrong died on this day in 1971. I'll never forget the time I tried to play a trumpet. I sucked in all the air my lungs would hold, and I blew as hard as I could blow. I don't know which popped out farther, my eyes or my belly button.
     I've had an "outie" ever since.

     John Paul Jones was born on this day in 1747. John Paul is the guy who said, "I have not yet begun to fight." He's the only guy in history who became famous for not yet beginning to fight.
     It was also John Paul who said, "Don't give up the ship." And he didn't -- he sold it.

     Sylvester Stallone was born on this day in 1946. Sly still looks good, but I shudder to think what he'll look like when all those muscles start to sag.

     TV producer Merv Griffin was born on this day in 1925. He's the guy who paid Vanna White a million a year to turn letters and wave bye-bye. But it was a bargain. She's just paid to turn letters -- the "bye-bye" was a bonus.

     Captain Kidd was captured in Boston on this day in 1699. Captain Kidd was a ruthless pirate who took money from everyone. And though Captain Kidd lived over 300 years ago, many of his methods are still being used by the IRS.

     George Wyman became the first person to cross the U.S. on a motorcycle when he arrived in New York on this day in 1903. He didn't stay long, though. He could find a place to park.

     Former First Lady Nancy Reagan was born on this date in 1923. And today, undoubtedly Nancy will give thanks she still has her health -- and her arms -- which Ron almost sold to Iran.

     July is Nude Recreation Month, but be careful. You don't know what real pain is until you French-fry your nipples.

     The Republican Party was organized during Nude Recreation Month in 1854. It was for conservatives who never take off their clothes even for special occasions.

     Mickey Rigdon of Metairie, Louisiana, set a record on this day in 1977 by eating 212 oysters in five minutes. An oyster is a fish built like a nut -- and if he always ate like that, I have a feeling Mickey was a nut built like a whale.

     This is Nude Recreation Month. Great! With society falling completely apart, just what we need is a nation full of naked volleyball players.
     Lighten up, America -- get naked!

     Louis Pasteur gave the first anti-rabies shot to a young boy on this day in 1885. Then, to see if the shot worked, the kid had to undergo a series of painful mad dog bites.

     On this day in 1535 King Henry the 8th had Sir Thomas More beheaded because Sir Thomas refused to sanction Henry's marriage. Henry had a violent temper, and every time he lost his head so did somebody else.

      The Father of the U.S. Navy, John Paul Jones, was born on this day in 1747. In 1899, the U.S. Navy spent a million dollars to move John Paul's body from under a Paris apartment house to a $2 million tomb at the U.S. Naval Academy. At the dedication, a U.S. Senator stood atop the tomb and uttered that famous phrase, "I have just begun to spend."

      Oilman Harry Sinclair was born in Wheeling, West Virginia, on this day in 1876. Harry founded the Sinclair Oil Company and was a major figure in the 1920s' Teapot Dome scandal. He originated the famous phrase, "Oily to bed, oily to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and slippery.