Comedy Calendar

July 3, 2011

     General George Washington became commander of the Revolutionary Army on this date in 1775. No one was surprised, of course, since it was reported the day before by CNN.

     On this date in 1890 Idaho became the 43rd U.S. state. If it weren't for Idaho, one of the most famous American phrases would be missing from the English language -- "You want fries with that?"

Dog Days Begin Today
 July 4th Fun

     On this date in 1608 Quebec City was founded. In Quebec, it's illegal to use an apostrophe on signs because it's not French. If you typed what I just said and displayed it in Quebec, you'd have broken the law twice. Suddenly, Newfies seem perfectly normal.

     Air Conditioning Appreciation Days begin today, a time to remember that, thanks to air conditioning, in the hot summer we can all wear sweaters to work.

     On this day in 1954 food rationing from World War II finally ended in Britain. To envision food rationing in the U.S., just imagine that instead of Republicans controlling Congress, we had Weight Watchers.

     Singer Jim Morrison of The Doors died on this day in 1971. He sang the hit "Come On Baby, Light My Fire." Which, I think, was the anthem for the bra burning movement.

     On this day in 1608 Champlain founded the first European settlement on the site of what is now Quebec. All the signs were in French, in spite of nearby English settlements. Just like today.

     Air Conditioning Appreciation Days begin today and continue through the hottest days of summer. Thanks to air conditioning we can breathe cool, clean air all summer long for only pennies per breath.

     Actor Tom Cruise was born on the 3rd of July in 1962. He wanted to be born on the 4th of July, but his mom worked at the post office and delivered a day early. Postal employees just won't deliver on a holiday.

     Roy Rogers' horse Trigger died at age 33 on this date in 1965. Roy had Trigger stuffed and mounted at the Double-R-Bar Ranch. He had no choice. It was in Trigger's will.
     Roy and Trigger were inseparable, which made things very difficult for Roy's wife, Dale Evans. Whenever Dale wanted to horse around there was always a horse around.

     On this day in 1863 the Confederate Army suffered heavy casualties at the Battle of Gettysburg, the turning point in the U.S. Civil War. It was the South's first big mistake -- holding a battle someplace other than Bull Run.

     July is National Baked Bean Month, Hot Dog Month, Spam Month, and Ice Cream Month. With a diet like that, it should also be PBA Month, everybody joins Pot Bellies Anonymous.

     On this day in 1583 the Russian Czar Ivan the Terrible flew into a rage and killed his son, Ivan the Not So Terrible. And was promptly reported to the authorities for prince abuse.

    Geraldo Rivera was born on this day in 1943. Mama Rivera knew Geraldo would make a great reporter. When he was only three days old, Geraldo did an expose on the nurse who changed his diaper -- and charged her with being involved in a cover-up.

     July is Buggy Month in Point Church, Louisiana, the "Buggy Capital of the World." (Jock) should be there -- he's always been buggy.

     General George Meade and the Union Army won the Battle of Gettysburg on this day in 1863. Meade had taken command only six days before when General Joseph Hooker was relieved of command. The South almost had the war won thanks to Hooker's preoccupation with ladies-of-the-evening in Washington -- ladies who became known as "Hooker's Division."
     Both men went down in history: Meade as the great war hero, and "hooker" as a new word in the English language.

Copyright 2011 by Joe Hickman

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