The first major-league baseball games were televised on this day in 1939: a double-header in Brooklyn between the Dodgers and the Cincinnati Reds. It went pretty smooth, actually, once the players learned not to spit on the cameras.

     The annual Tobacco Festival is underway in Ohio. Featured events are the big coughing and bad breath contests and the crowning and X-raying of Miss Emphysema. 

    The annual Tobacco Worm Races are this week in Ripley, Ohio. Tobacco worms not only chew tobacco, they swallow it! Of course, they're not stupid enough to smoke it.
     Which reminds me: The Surgeon General has determined that inhaling tobacco juice may help you break the habit.

     Today is Women’s Equality Day, the anniversary of the certification of the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. That’s the one that guarantees that any adult human of any sex can vote. So far, of course, there are only two sexes, but the way things are going that could change any day now.

     Today is Susan B. Anthony Day, honoring one who helped U.S. women obtain the right to vote on this date in 1920. Nowdays, if Susan could see the candidates her sisters have to choose from, she'd roll over in her bloomers.

     Today is Women's Equality Day. Which I don't suppose shows who is or is not equal, but it sure shows who's really in charge.

     History's largest explosion occurred on this day in 1883 when Krakatoa exploded. The island was blown 50 miles high and the explosion was heard 3,000 miles away. But, understandably, since there was no film, it was still not the lead story on the evening news.

     Lee DeForest was born on this date in 1873. DeForest was largely responsible for the development of radio, television, and movies. If it weren't for Lee there'd be nothing to do but sit around and play "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"
     And with no radio, TV, or movies, most of us couldn't answer any of the questions.

     Dr. Lee DeForest was born on this date in 1873. Dr. DeForest invented the 3-element vacuum tube, making possible all of our wonderful electronic technology: radio .. television ... radar traps....
     One of Dr. DeForest's early inventions was stolen by his competitor's spies, so he planted trees outside the windows of his laboratory. So the spies couldn't see DeForest for the trees.

     Geraldine Ferraro turns 75 today. She was the first woman U.S. Vice-Presidential candidate — back before we had any experience with a woman running the country.

     Today is Women’s Equality Day, and I’m not about to make any women’s equality jokes. Because I’m a man—and I’m not only equal, I’m a coward.

     Today is Krakatoa Day. The volcano erupted on this day in 1883, creating an explosion heard 3,000 miles away, hurling five cubic miles of earth 50 miles into the air, creating 120-foot tidal waves, and inspiring a lowly Indonesian poet to create his greatest work entitled, "What Was That?"

     On this day in 1883 the volcanic island of Krakatoa erupted with a bang that was heard 3,000 miles away. It was the loudest explosion in modern times -- except, of course, when Hillary found out about Monica.

     Today's exciting Krakatoa trivia question: What caused the Krakatoa explosion anyway?
     Earthquakes left cracks that allowed sea water to flow deep in Krakatoa's volcanic core. The water boiled and, apparently, such intense steam pressure was built up miles below the earth's surface that the entire island exploded. It's like eating a large anchovy pizza, three onions, and a pint of jalopena peppers, then washing it down with hot Dr. Pepper and cheap tequila.

    Today honors Susan B. Anthony, the first lady with a U.S. dollar named after her. But have you noticed? All those Susan B. Anthony dollars completely disappeared. They must have loaned them to the government.

     Lee DeForest, the inventor of the first radio, was born on this day in 1873. He invented it after a long drive -- when all he had to listen to was his wife.

     Today is Women's Equality Day. U.S. women became equal on this day in 1920. Before that, only men were equal; women were unequal. But now, men and women are equally equal.
     Of course, in some countries men and women are still unequal. But then, as the great equal philosopher, Cher, might put it, "If equality came in a bottle, everybody would have a quart."

     Today is Equality Day, marking this day in 1920 when U.S. women gained the right to vote. This caused such an uproar that the remainder of the decade was called the Uproaring '20s.

     Today is Women’s Equality Day, so remember, men: if we’ll just break down and admit that women really are equal, maybe some day they’ll let us have Men’s Equality Day.

    Today is Women's Equality Day, a day for every woman to celebrate her freedom, and a day for every man to keep his mouth shut.

     Today is Women's Equality Day. Every year on this date women are considered equal.
     I don't know why I said that. There must be a more clever way to commit suicide.

     Today is Women's Equality Day, a day for women to demonstrate their independence. So go ahead, ladies -- go to work today in your Lillith Fair T-shirt with only one leg shaved.